


make me fade

by oceanrosiex



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Drama, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 13:07:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5498093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanrosiex/pseuds/oceanrosiex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For some reason, a group of teenagers are having flashbacks and memories of events in history happening to them. During these, they pass out - regardless of where or when, and when they wake up, they wake up shaky and afraid.</p><p>They finally do something about it when Arthur Kirkland has a flashback, passing out during a history test, and doesn’t wake up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. flowers

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this five hours ago
> 
> i have not stopped
> 
> pls read i'm so desperate for feedback

 

 

Kiku noticed it first. He was always the one who noticed these little things and acted upon it when he had to. Usually it was things like Feliciano curling his curl a little more curly for Ludwig, or Alfred eating a little less when became more depressed about stuff.

 

But it was quite something when his boyfriend literally fainted in the middle of their date and passed out in the park, and it was definitely something when Heracles woke back up, panting and blabbing about greek gods.

 

After double checking that Heracles wasn't on any drugs, he left the situation alone- because his boyfriend clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore.

 

Then he was tutoring Yao's younger brother and Kiku freaked and called 911 when Leon collapsed in his bathroom.

 

The doctors had the decency to check over Leon for Kikus sake- since this was the second time that somebody had passed out near him and Kiku was legitimately worried.

 

But then Leon woke up, with sweat dripping down his bangs and falling into his wide eyes and the only thing he said was "I don't exist yet."

 

Yao forgave Kiku but Kiku did not forgive himself.

 

~

 

With this in mind, he started watching everything more carefully.

 

Nobody wanted to tell him to stop. They figured they would be a little more conscious of their surroundings if people were passing out near them too.

 

But then, three weeks later, Elizabeta and Roderich were in English, learning about the premise of The Metamorphosis, some book written by a guy born in Austria-Hungary.

 

The teacher flicked through a powerpoint, pictures of beautiful castles and mansions and scenery that Roderich couldn't even believe such a place existed.

 

Then his head pounded once, and his eyes widened. His head pounded again, and Roderich blinked rapidly, not knowing what was happening. Then as if something had turned off the switch to his brain, his eyes strained to stay awake and then his body collapsed - falling off the chair and sprawling onto the floor.

 

Elizabeta, his best friend, screamed, effectively ending the lecture, and she stood up quickly, and took one step towards Roderich's body before her head pounded once.

 

Then twice.

 

Something bright flashed through her mind, and she stumbled, like she had been blinded from the sun, and before the teacher could even make it to the back of the room, Elizabeta fell forward, landing next to Roderich on the floor and the entire class exploded.

 

Kiku could hear the uproar from his classroom on the other end of the hallway. His teacher stopped teaching math and worried, opened the door and told their class to stay inside. Nobody listened. Kiku got up first and rushed out to the hallway, and froze in place - because people were crowding over the teachers carrying the two unconscious bodies out of the English classroom.

 

With hopeless eyes, Kiku ran. He pushed through the crowds of kids, reaching to make it to his friends - Roderich and Elizabeta, how did this happen? Why them? They weren't even around him, Kiku desperately thought. He was sure that these passing out incidents were his fault - but now, it might be even worse for others if it wasn't.

 

The crowd seemed to get worse - the teachers had done their freaking out, and were now trying to desperately get kids back into the classrooms again. But word had spread that two kids passed out in the weirdest way possible, and nobody was calm, until somebody got on the intercom and said to get back to the classrooms immediately, or there would be consequences.

 

Slowly, the hallways began to thin. Kids returned to their classes and class was almost resumed. Kiku didn't focus nor answer any questions. He stared straight ahead into nothing, skin pale and tiny beads of sweat on his neck. He was so confused. His mind was spinning and things weren't coming together.

 

In the Nurses office, a worried staff stood in front of the door with the two unconscious teenagers.

 

"What happened?"

 

"They passed out."

 

"Why? _How_?"

 

"We don't know. They were in class, learning about Austria-Hungary because the English classes are just about to start reading The Metamorphosis -"

 

"So then what exactly made them pass out about that?"

 

Then from behind the door, somebody screamed and they could hear sudden sobs. The teachers immediately tore the door open, shocked as they saw Roderich panting heavily, sweating profusely, with wide eyes and his hands clutching his head. Elizabeta was sitting on the other bed, hands covering her face, tears streaming through her fingers.

 

"I'm - I need - I need to find her!" Roderich whispered, slowly getting louder and more frantic. "Her! I need to find her and tell her the-the-"

 

Elizabeta sobbed, catching the attention of a teacher, who rushed over.

 

"Elizabeta, Eli-Elizabeta! What happened, are you alright?" Elizabeta slowly lowered her hands, then shrieked at the teacher, who gasped and scrambled back quickly.

 

"Elizabeta-" The teacher started, but Elizabeta cut her off. "Who are you?" She yelled, looking around the room rapidly, eyes wide and dilated, darting around every object. "Where am I? What is this place?" Then she gasped, almost like she couldn't breathe, and then Roderich looked over to what all the other teachers were looking at and whispered "Hungary" before closing his eyes and falling unconscious again.

 

Elizabeta collapsed unconscious a few minutes later after more screaming.

 

The teachers didn't know what to do. The two were sent to the hospital, but after an overnight stay, with both of them waking up in the morning with no recollection of what happened the previous day - there was no more research the doctors could do about the situation.

 

Roderich and Elizabeta did stay home from school though, for two days after the incident, and when they came back to school - nobody questioned or said anything at the two's interlocked hands.

 

~

 

Kiku hated to say it, but kids passing out in certain situations were starting to become common. It was absolutely terrifying. The growing winter and the threat of snowstorms didn't help anybody's situation either.

 

In fact, one incident happened to Berwald, the quiet giant, and it was because of the snow. He and his boyfriend Tino were walking home in the cold, by themselves, when Berwald later described his head to pound twice , before blacking out, and falling face first into an icy sidewalk. Tino had screamed, and by the time somebody got out there to help them, there were two bags strewn on the sidewalk and a phone frozen to the point where it wouldn't work, and Tino himself was cradling Berwald’s head, blood running down his forehead, wailing and crying for help.

 

When the ambulance arrived and they got to the hospital, Berwald still hadn't woken up, and Tino said afterwards that he was so terrified - with all the incidents happening around them, and how nobody knew what the cause of these incidents were and Tino was crying the whole time, praying that Berwald wouldn't be the first one to not wake up.

 

Berwald had gasped, eyes flying open and shot up, almost like he was about to fight someone - but then stopped, shook out of the cold, and noticed Tino's tear-streaked face sitting in a chair next to him, and Berwald collapsed onto his pillows, hand reaching up to feel his forehead to find a bandage. The only thing he said for a long time after the incident was "There were wolves."

 

Tino and Berwald become somewhat inseparable after that.

 

~

 

As if the weather hadn't even effected the incidents enough, school subjects began to do the same.

 

Francis Bonnefoy was in art, and resumed painting his watercolor Eiffel Tower. They were just beginning a Parisian art unit, and he had struck inspiration to mix red and blues after talking to a lovely girl (still sending him winks from across the room).

 

Francis smiled, making sure to add some extra charm in his wink. The girl really did seem sweet, and he wouldn't mind taking her out later. But first, he wanted to finish his painting. He admired the skill of artisans, and was pretty much sure that he would put down Humanities as his major when they gave him that dumb "future prospects" paper again.

 

Frowning slightly, and head slightly hurting from thinking too much during such a relaxing activity, Francis realized he had run out of red paint. He stood up and made his way over to the back of the room, peering through bottles of different shades - when suddenly he heard singing.

 

Francis couldn't describe it that well afterwards, but he said it was like angelic. It had made him sleepy, and maybe it was what had made him collapse and crash into the counter in the back of the art room.

 

When he did wake up afterwards, he was pale. He breathed heavily, but surprisingly kept his calm as he gazed around the objects in the Nurse's office and noticed that he was alone in this strange room, and that the door was open. He said nothing, but then saw somebody walk by the doorway.

 

"Italy!" He broke out into a lazy smile as he saw the boy stop and turn to him.

 

"Francis? Oh are you awake? Let me go tell the nurse-"

 

"Italy, why aren't you calling me by my real name?"

 

Feliciano froze. "W-what?" He managed to laugh nervously. "Francis, I don't know if you know this, but you just had a nasty fall and you're probably not feeling well right now so I'll go get the nurse-"

 

"Come in here little brother." Feliciano stopped short. This was ridiculous. "Ok." He turned to face Francis in the doorway, hands on his hips, lips in a frown. "Francis, you're not feeling well. You're a good friend, but if you try to sexually harass me in the next few minutes I'm here, I will not be kind in kicking your ass."

 

The guy sitting languidly on the nurses cot looked surprised out Feliciano's seriousness.

 

Then he grinned. "Vous êtes si courageux. Je pensais que vous me aimez vous toucher, petit frère."

 

Feliciano slammed the door. But then after, he slid down and brought his knees to his chest. Mind blown, he looked up at the fluorescent light of the nurses office. Was that french? He knew Francis had french descent, but he had never spoken french before...

 

He was truly terrified. That wasn't Francis. That was someone else. But it looked like Francis...

 

Stuffing a whimper, he scrambled to get up and rushed to the Nurse at her desk. When the two of them went back to the room, Francis was on the floor, unconscious.

 

When he woke up later with no recollection of anything before falling unconscious, Feliciano avoided him for a bit and Ludwig was a little meaner to Francis than usual but otherwise things returned to normal.

 

~

 

Five days after Francis collapsed, Ivan collapsed in the library after school. He was by himself and nobody found him until the next morning, where Yao walked into the nonfiction section and immediately called 911.

 

Unfortunately, because nobody was there, Ivan had no idea what happened to him overnight. Yet, deep down inside, he told himself that he probably didn't want to know, especially if passing out brought out this..crazy, insane, side of people.

 

This was the most recent incident that pushed Kiku to his limits. He felt somewhat responsible. He wanted to fix this.

 

So he sent out a mass text to all the students in the school, since most of the incidents had been happening to the students of the school-

 

_if you are worried about the safety of your friends and your loved ones - meet @ the world geography room Friday after school ._

_5:00 pm _ December 11. 2015_

 

~

 

That day, only a few people showed up.

 

Kiku convinced Ludwig and Feliciano to come, who in turn convinced Lovino to come as well. Roderich and Elizabeta had told Kiku they would come - but they never showed up. Kiku forgave them in the long run, but the small act hurt him a little bit in the long run - did they not believe anything could be done about these incidents?

 

Francis was there. After he passed out, he had been off - more quiet, less flirty, and a little more conscious of his surroundings. The situation had opened his eyes in a new way. He never wanted to feel like that again.

 

Tino and Berwald were there, although it seemed like it was only because of Tino's insistence. Ivan and Yao was there as well, and Kiku was glad (and a little freaked out) at the enthusiastic (murder-like) glint in both of their eyes.

 

And last of all, Heracles was there too - supporting his boyfriend in whatever. Although this time, he wasn't asleep. Everybody knew that Heracles would fall asleep anytime he wanted too, but the fact that he was awake and intent on listening to Kiku's words almost meant something.

 

Even though there weren't a lot of people, it was a start.

 

"This is an incredibly odd situation. You all know the stories. Some of this crap has even happened to some of you." Several people in the room flinched. "As a result, we are going to figure out what's wrong. There has to be an explanation for this. There just has to be. And I think we can do it, and help people."

 

Kiku grimaced. "Because it's just weird. This whole thing is just weird."

 

Francis raised his hand. "I think your speech was lame, but I agree. That was not a pleasant experience - for me and for others." He looked at Feliciano out of the corner of his eye but then quickly looked away. "However, I'm not quite sure where to even start in explaining the whole mess."

 

"Your head pounds twice." Ivan suddenly says. Everybody looks at him. "Yeah." He continued, nodding. "Your head pounds twice, but it feels like more. Although in Francis' case, it was different?"

 

"I heard singing and passed out. Don't take any evidence or anything from what happened to me. It’s not credible." Francis cut in.

 

Ludwig raised his hand. "So we're basically going to try and figure out whats happening, right?" Kiku nodded. "I know it's going to be hard. But this might be really dangerous, and if we figure out how to stop it, we can help people!"

 

Feliciano nodded. "Yeah, I think we could really put the work into this and figure out what's going on. Mainly though.. um, because I'm scared."

 

The room fell silent after that. Then Tino smiled sadly. "Me too." He looked up at Berwald, who looked back at him. Then Tino's phone rang, and he checked it. "Oh! We've gotta go." Grabbing his bag and Berwald's hand, the two made their way out of the room. "Thank you Kiku! Let us know when the next meeting is!"

 

Kiku waved and Yao raised an eyebrow. "Another meeting?"

 

Kiku nodded. "Yeah. We don't have near enough occurrences right now to make a good solid theory. Unfortunately, we're going to have to wait for this to happen to more people. Just keep watching your surroundings. Start noticing things. We might be able to find things in the background."

 

The other people were silent, and then started to pack up their things. "Ok." Kiku said awkwardly as everybody got ready to leave. "Um, I'll send out when the next meeting will be. Thanks for coming."

 

Ludwig nodded and waved, Feliciano smiling at Kiku then going after his boyfriend.

 

Lovino grunted something about "pointless", but promised Kiku that he would come to the next meeting anyways. Francis thanked Kiku and left after. Ivan and Yao did the same. Then it was just Heracles and Kiku together, alone.

 

"Do you think we can fix this?" Heracles commented, yawning.

 

"I don't know." Kiku sighed. "I really hope we can."

 

~

 

The weekend passed and then Monday came with another incident.

 

Feliks, a character in his own group of friends, passed out during an architecture class. They were learning about the underground subways in Russia, the teacher said, and they had no idea how or why anybody would pass out from that sort of content. Then, even after being admitted to the hospital, the doctors found nothing physically wrong with his body.

 

It was a purely mental state. Feliks woke up five hours after he passed out and the first thing he said was "Where's Toris?"

 

Toris was his best friend and once he heard that Feliks was calling for him, he ran to the hospital like a madman, burst through the door and stood in the room, panting heavily, staring into Felik's pale face and wide eyes.

 

"Are...you okay?" Toris panted heavily, body wracked with nerves.

 

"You look exactly like him." Feliks whispered.

 

"Like...who?" Oh, this was the behavior that people experienced after passing out. Toris knew about this. He knew that Feliks would act crazy and insane and out of character now, and then fall asleep, and then wake up again with everything back to normal.

 

"Lithuania. You're Lithuania oh my god." Feliks voice kept getting quieter and quieter.

 

"It's ok Feliks." Toris smiled gently, having caught his breath now. "It's ok. You can just go back to sleep and everything will be ok-"

 

"No," Feliks said slowly, "I'm not tired. I'm wide awake. And you look so much like him oh my god, where-where's Ivan? I- I need to see Ivan."

 

"What?" Now Toris was confused. People who experienced this stage so far had no memory of who they were or who the people around them were. How did Feliks know what was going on? "Ivan?" Ivan was a friend, who almost teased them more than he hung out with them. Why did he want to see Ivan?

 

"I don't know where he is Feliks, but we can call him." Toris said slowly, pulling out his phone, and dialing Ivans number.

 

"Hello?"

 

Toris gulped. "Hey Ivan, it's me. Toris."

 

"Toris! Is everything ok? I heard about Feliks. Is he awake yet?"

 

"Yeah..." He was watching Feliks carefully, who in turned stared at the wall, seemingly into nothing. "He's awake, in fact. Uh, in fact, he's asking to see you."

 

"What? Me? Why?" Toris rubbed his head. "I don't know why. I'm asking the same thing to be honest."

 

"Let me see a picture of Ivan then!" Feliks cried, catching Toris' attention again. "I just need to clarify something." Feliks had never looked more pale than he did at that moment.

 

"Okay...Ivan, give me a second, I'm putting you on hold." Then Toris clicked through his phone and found a picture that showed Ivan's entire face and after hesitating for a moment, showed Feliks his phone.

 

Feliks froze. With wide eyes, and his face even paler than before, he whispered "Russia" and refused to say anymore on the subject. Toris couldn't get anything out of him about the incident and when Feliks returned to school, he avoided Ivan and stayed closed to Toris without any explanation. And when he got a text from Kiku about the second meeting that would try to explain the incidents, he saved the text and texted Toris that they were definitely going to the next meeting.

 

~

 

"I remembered what happened to me when I passed out." Feliks explained to the slightly bigger group of people in the World Geography room. Kiku and Heracles listened to every word Feliks said. Francis leaned back in his chair, Ivan stood in the back and Yao was eating pretzels. Ludwig and Feliciano were listening as well, and Lovino kept slapping Antonio to keep him focused, quite frankly done with his immaturity. Tino and Berwald were there too, and this time, so were Elizabeta and Roderich.

 

Everybody (besides Antonio) listened to the words that came out of Feliks mouth.

 

"I remember passing out. Then I woke up in the snow. Ugh... it felt like a memory, but it also felt like I was actually there and my body was aching all over. Then I noticed, there was someone next to me. I couldn't open my eyes at first, and I could only feel and hear what was going on around me.

 

Somebody was calling for me, but they weren't using my name...they were saying Poland. It was disorienting. I couldn't figure out what to do. Then I opened my eyes, and I was right - I was laying in the snow. I looked to who was calling my name, and...a huge guy was pulling another guy away."

 

Looking up, Feliks made eye contact with Ivan. "A guy that looked exactly like you was dragging away a guy who looked exactly like Toris. He was screaming Russia and Poland, and right before I woke up, in the dream I called Toris, Lithuania."

 

Ivan raised his hand and said very softly, "Like the country?"

 

He shrugged, but remained pale. "I don't know."

 

Feliks finished. He refused to say anything else. Kiku asked in anybody else would like to add on to that. Nobody responded. Kiku told them thanks for coming and that they would have another meeting soon.

 

~

 

Ludwig placed the two cups of coffee on the table and Feliciano smiled brightly up at him. "Thank you Luddy!" He placed his hands around the warm cup and shuddered and relaxed in his chair. After a few moments of silence, Ludwig sighed.

  
“What’s wrong?” Feliciano asked softly, looking at Ludwig’s face. He groaned and took off his glasses and rubbed his face. “I don’t know. Everything.”

 

Feliciano gazed at Ludwig sympathetically. His eyes had bags under them and his lips were pulled back into a thin, tight line. He looked cold, almost as if he couldn’t get enough of the warmth from his coffee cup.

 

Feliciano could understand. He was fairly sure that if he looked in a mirror, he would look somewhat the same. Kiku’s bothering had done its work on the two. Now, being genuinely worried for their safety and others safety, they had been stressing out over these incidents - each one sending a chill through their very spine.

 

“But I’m sure whatever it is, we can help figure it out. The police and the doctors can’t do anything. We can help them as much as we can, and maybe these things will turn out well.” Feliciano said mindlessly, gazing out the window, watching the busy street covered in ice continue life as though none of these incidents were happening.

 

Shuddering again and bringing his coffee back up to his lips, he thought to himself, they could do this. They could figure this out. None of the incidents had been deadly so far...it couldn’t, nor it wouldn’t get any worse than it already was, could it?

 

~

 

Arthur groaned. This headache was killing him. Everything at the moment was stressing him out to be honest. From his most recent fight with Alfred to this god forsaken irrelevant test in front of him, this day was not turning out well. He couldn’t even spare any space in his cluttered mind to worry about the passing out incidents that had been happening in his school. Quite frankly, he didn’t even give it a single thought. He knew it was and had been happening, but he was the type of person who wouldn’t believe something until it happened to him.

 

He groaned softly again. He hadn’t studied at all for this history test, and the silence of the room was suffocating.

 

**Question 27:**

American social development has been continually beginning over again on the frontier. The expansion westward with its new opportunities, its continuous touch with the simplicity of primitive society, furnishes the forces dominating the American character. The true point of view in the history of this nation is not the Atlantic coast, it is the Great West.

\- Frederick Jackson Turner, 1893

**Turner made his speech about the importance of the American frontier partly in response to**

  1. **the closing of the frontier recorded in the 1890 census**
  2. **United States efforts to limit European immigration to frontier regions**
  3. **the elimination of slavery by the Thirteenth Amendment**
  4. **the great numbers of western pioneers who lost their farms**



 

“Fuck.” Arthur swore very quietly under his breath. The teacher looked up to glance at him for a minute, then went back to his computer. _I don’t know any of this_ , Arthur thought angrily to himself.

 

He thought it was kind of dumb. He was here as an exchange student. He didn’t even care about U.S history. He hated the U.S anyways.

 

No, that wasn’t true. He hated the idea of the U.S. What made the U.S any different from his home country in England? He felt loyal to his nationality, through and through. Simply sitting in this class sucked and he hated it with a burning passion.

 

There was a time where Arthur could see the sparkly appeal of the U.S attractiveness, but that was only because of Alfred's enthusiasm. And he was sick and tired of thinking about Alfred at the moment.

 

Shaking his head, he blinked and moved onto the next question.

 

**Question 28**

**In what year did America break England's heart?**

  1. **The year England found him in the field by himself**
  2. **The year America spent looking for blue flowers**
  3. **The year America met Canada**
  4. **The Year of The American Revolution**



 

Arthur frowned. Was he reading this right?

 

He looked at it again. No way. This question wasn't real. It made no sense. He didn't have enough sleep. He was halluncinating. Arthur closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself. He just had to finish the test, turn it in and go home and calm down and hope for something better to happen tomorrow.

 

Maybe he could call his brothers back home. Maybe they could calm him down. Help him reevaluate his life choices. Make him realize that everything going to be ok.

 

Arthur takes another shaky breath. Yeah right. He was alone. His brothers wouldn't care. Nobody would really care. He was so lonely.

 

Tears forming in his eyes because everything in his body and mind hurt, he looked at the question again.

 

**Question 28**

**In what year did America break England's heart?**

  1. **The year England found him in the field by himself**
  2. **The year America spent looking for blue flowers**
  3. **The year America met Canada**
  4. **The Year of The American Revolution**



 

"Why?" Arthur whispered so quietly that nobody could've heard him. "Why is it still there?"

 

Shaking a little more now, he turned the page to the next question.

 

**Question 28**

**In what year did America break England's heart?**

  1. **The year England found him in the field by himself**
  2. **The year America spent looking for blue flowers**
  3. **The year America met Canada**
  4. **The Year of The American Revolution**



 

Arthur froze, and it was like something unbelievable as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them again to see the same question, on the next page.

 

Slowly, he turned the next page.

 

**Question 28**

**In what year did America break England's heart?**

  1. **The year England found him in the field by himself**
  2. **The year America spent looking for blue flowers**
  3. **The year America met Canada**
  4. **The Year of The American Revolution**



 

Arthur shook his head and turned the next page, and the next and the next, and soon the teacher looked up to see Arthur frantically flipping through his entire test, shaking his head and crying. Frowning slightly, the teacher got up and walked towards the back of the classroom. Arthur was probably having a rough day. He'd just go ahead and send him to the front office, and hopefully get the rest of the class under control. Kids had already stopped taking the test, and was watching the poor boy in the back, almost expecting and waiting for him to pass out at any minute now.

 

Before the teacher passed the second row of desks, Arthur threw his test to the ground, panting heavily, with tears streaming down his face. His eyes were wide and his face was pale and he stuttered, unable to get out a single word.

 

He could feel everybodys eyes on him, but that went over his head as the colors and sounds and feeling of the room started to blend together and everything spun. The brown desks melted into green something - he couldn't tell what. He looked up and the ceiling was gone, like it had disappeared and revealed a blue sky, more natural and real than any sky he had ever seen anywhere.

 

He looked back down and swayed. The earth was shaking? Maybe it was just him. He walked forward, stumbling and tripping over his own feet. There was wind. His eyes could barely see and Arthur choked on air, scared and confused out of his mind.

 

 _What's happening to me?_ Arthur screamed, but no sound came out and it was like Arthur's eyes couldn't get wider but then they did.

 

"ENGLAND!! You came back!!" Arthur spun around, vision still blurry, colors blending together everywhere he looked. His senses weren't returning to him and he felt disabled and weak and vulnerable. Dry sobbing, unable to hear anything but a calling voice, Arthur collapsed, and grabbed the ground, fists clenching around stems and flower petals.

 

"ENGLAND!!" _That's not my name_ , Arthur sobbed. It wasn't fair. He could hear this child's voice, calling out his home country like it was a person, and everything hurt. He hoped he was dreaming, because this wasn't funny. He didn't want this to be real. The more he thought about it, the sky looked more like home and the flowers seemed like flowers he recognized in pictures from England. _This isn't fair!_ The only thing Arthur could feel were the wet tears falling down his face.

 

Something...no, somebody ran up to him and looked at him. Arthur looked up and though his vision was still blurred, he could tell that a child of some sort was standing in front of him.

 

"England? Why are you crying?" He couldn't speak. He opened his mouth and nothing came out. Everything around him, filling his senses - it all felt real, something was holding him back, something that continued to tell him "this isn't real".

 

"England! It's ok, I'll help you - what's wrong?" Arthur shook his head and tried to move away from the child who was now climbing on top of him.

 

"England. Hey, look at me." That was a different voice. The child sitting on his chest seemed to get a lot heavier all of a sudden, but the body on top of him shifted, and Arthur was laid more comfortably on his back, with somebody hovering over him.

 

"England, it's ok. Look at me." Arthur blinked through his tears, but still couldn't see anything. He recognized that voice. That voice...Alfred.

 

"Hey. Can you open your eyes for me?"

 

Arthur was so tired. Exhausted to the point where his mind gave up and destroyed thoughts and words floated aimlessly in his head. And with that, his tears started to clear and his vision became a little more bearable.

 

After a moment of blinking, he realized he could smell flowers. There was a shadow on top of him, but he could see an endless blue sky spreading out far and wide above him. His head pounded, but he could hear birds chirping and the sound of a person's heavy breathing. Then he blinked again, and he could see.

 

Alfred was above him, hands planted on both sides next to his head, smiling gently in the way he liked the most. He didn't have his glasses on, which he thought was kinda weird, but he figured it was alright. Then he felt something fall on his forehead. Still blinking, he arched up, looking higher behind Alfred's body, and seeing the last of the blue sky fade away.

 

It was raining. The flowers surrounding them were pelted down by harsh, unforgiving bullets and the paradise he had known washed away with the rain. He blinked some more, almost unable to see again as the rain became harder, and then something exploded. Alfred looked up, and getting up, he grabbed his wrist and pulled him so he could stand. Then, Alfred started to drag him away from the field of now dead flowers and into the surrounding woods.

 

For some reason, there was smoke in the air, and something smelled like it was burning and he could barely keep up with Alfred's running. He was tired and sluggish and for some reason, couldn't think the way he knew he could think.

 

"England, stay here." Alfred's voice was still warm. But there was an edge there that hadn't been there before.

 

Clueless, he sat down on a fallen tree branch. Alfred kneeled in front of him, with one hand gently holding onto his own shaking one, and the other one lopped in his belt. Curious, he looked at what Alfred was wearing. A uniform. A military uniform similar to...similar to...

 

Suddenly, Alfred pulled from behind him a toy solider. He looked at the soldiers uniform then he looked back at Alfred's. They were not the same.

 

"This is yours." Alfred said softly, gently closing his hand around the toy, then letting go and standing back up. He looked up at Alfred. Why did he stand? Were they going to start running again?

 

Alfred pulled out a gun.

 

He widened his eyes. Alfred aimed the gun to the sky, and shot three times. He flinched at the loud sound. The rain seemed to roar. He was very tired, and his eyes started to droop and close. Alfred threw the gun to the ground and caught him as he fell backwards.

 

Alfred seemed sad. He looked down at his heavily lidded eyes and held him a little tighter and a little closer. "I don't want to kill you." He said very softly. "I don't know why I'm having this dream. But I don't want to kill you England."

 

And for the first time, he forgot what the man's name. He didn't know the name of the man holding him tightly. But then as the rain got heavier and thunder boomed and lightning struck, and they were both drenched to their very core, England's head pounded and he bolted upright, something electric flowing through his veins.

 

He raised his head and his eyes landed on the man who was just holding him, and for some reason, England found himself in a uniform too, and there was a gun in his belt and for some reason he pulled it out and shot the man right in the chest. Voices cheered in his head and Arthur let out a strangled scream, as the man - Alfred, America - fell backwards and the mud surrounding them turned even darker.

 

England screamed, clutching at his head and swinging himself around back and forth, like a madman - clawing at his hair, screaming in hoarse pain, his stomach twisting and turning like he was about to throw up. His world turned black.

 

He never wanted to start this war. He knew from the beginning if he let this revolution continue, America would leave him - leave him and let him go and break his heart permanently.

 

It only made sense to kill him so that when America came back, he would stay by England's side forever.

 

~

 

Alfred woke up sweating and panting heavily. He blinked and shook his head quickly, looking around the classroom, then froze.

 

Why was the classroom empty? School wasn't over already, was it?

 

All he remembers was he had a fight with Arthur....then he went to English....then he fell asleep and had most possibly the scariest nightmare - and he remembered every little detail. He had woken up in the body of his 7-year old self, and he saw Arthur on the other side of the field. The flowers were blue. The sky was blue. Everything was so pretty. But as he got closer to Arthur, something in his head kicked his brain - resulting in him calling for England instead. Alfred didn't know why that happened. Then as he climbed on top of Arthur, he was suddenly himself - in his current body and age. But for some reason he was wearing a weird american revolution-like uniform. He thought nothing of it.

 

Arthur had been crying. He had looked absolutely terrified. But then Alfred had calmed him down and then the sky had exploded - there were bombs, or something. Cannons perhaps. And he wanted to keep Arthur safe. So he took his hand and dragged him into a safer spot in the woods. It didn't even end there. Something in his head kept chanting "kill him" and "he needs to die" and "for your independence" and "now is the perfect time" and "nobody would ever know". It hurt but Alfred was stronger than the voices in his head. Arthur would not die. Not on his watch, and most definitely not by his hands.

 

Instead, he kneeled in front of Arthur instead and gave him a toy that really came out of nowhere, and stood up and shut up the voices in his head by shooting into the sky three times. His troops would believe that.

 

For a minute, Alfred believed he was something he wasn't. How could he be a country? That wasn't possible...

 

Then Arthur shot him and he had died.

 

Alfred almost couldn't breathe. He could still hear the rain. He could feel the place where the bullet hit.

 

He shook his head. He needs to see Arthur. Right now. Standing up, he looks around the classroom again. What happened? Why was he the only one left? Opening the door and stepping out into the hallway explains everything. Students are all crowding around the history classroom - Alfred realizes with a sickening feeling that Arthur was in there.

 

He took off running, pushing through kids, some of them noticing his face and moving out of his way. Somehow, he manages to make it to the front and finds himself staring face to face with a teacher who isn't letting anybody into the classroom.

 

"Who is it." Alfred says darkly, even though he already knows. The sick feeling in his gut and the remainder of the sickening dream tells him all he needs to know.

 

The teacher knows too. Everybody knows about Alfred and Arthur's relationship. Alfred's family is hosting Arthur. They're the exception. But the teacher is told not to let anybody into the classroom. Not even the exception.

 

"You should return to your classroom." The teacher says, crossing his arms over his chest, trying to look intimidating. It doesn't work. The hallway full of students and staff are silent as they watch Alfred slowly tower over the smaller teacher, his athletic build coming to his aid. Alfred crosses his arms and the silence is almost overpowering as the teacher leans back a little and Alfred leans forward a lot.

 

"I'd like to see him please."

 

The teacher is having a rough day. First, Arthur passes out in his classroom. Then he starts convulsing. Now the nurse is in there, waiting for the ambulance to show up. And it's all happening in his classroom. And now Alfred Jones is about to kill him. Sighing, he steps aside and Alfred pushes the door open.

 

Arthur's shaking. He doesn't seem unconscious, but his body is barely moving in little twitches and he's groaning in pain. The staff see Alfred walk in and give up - stepping away from the floor, watching Alfred kneel down and gather up Arthur in his arms, hugging the limp body tightly.

 

"Be careful." The nurse says softly, and Alfred snaps his head to her and basically growls. "I know." He snaps, and the poor nurse shuts up.

 

Alfred's attention is immediately drawn back to Arthur as he moans and cracks open his eyes. "A-a-a....." Alfred lowers Arthur away from his face a little bit and smiles. "Arthur. Arthur, you're ok. You don't have to speak, it's ok. The ambulance is on their way and-"

 

"Ah...a...a..a-a...."

 

Alfred frowns slightly. Arthur is stuttering. It's like he's trying to say something, but his eyes are barely open and exhaustion is almost radiating from his body. But Alfred waits patiently. He'll wait for as long as it takes.

 

"A-a-a...am.....amer-ameri.......america."

 

Then Arthur's eyes roll to the back of his head and Alfred is frozen and the sirens of the ambulance blares through the campus. Soon enough Arthur is at the hospital and the dispersing staff tells Alfred to go home.

 

 

 


	2. snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherever the forest ends, the plains begin.

 

It was snowing. The soft powder coated every surface Kiku could see outside the window. Small specks of frost fell gently from the sky, almost gracing the earth with its calm and ethereal presence. 

The school was quiet, save the droning hum of the AC, and Kiku sighed. He pushed his chair back and stood up, yawning and stretching his arms. He looked out the window one last time and figured he should just go home at this point.

It was the first day of winter break. School had just gotten out 10 minutes ago. Kiku had sent out a text saying that they should meet one more time before winter break, but people only contacted him to tell him that they couldn't make it. 

Feliciano and Romano were with family. Ludwig was going to visit his brother in college. Even  Heracles wouldn't be here during the break, and though Kiku understood that he had family to see, he thought winter break was too short of a time to travel to freaking Greece. Quickly, Kiku shook his head to get rid of any negative opinions he jumped to. He hated it when he jumped to negative conclusions about the people he loved. It made him feel worse about himself as a person.

Kiku got distracted looking out the window at the snow again.  _ What if I wasn't a person? What if I was actually something else? What would my emotions be like then? Would I feel more strongly, or would I have any feelings at all?  _

Mindlessly, he reached out his hand to grab his bag and then the door opened. 

Broken out of his trance, Kiku turned around quickly to see somebody push open the door.

"Hey."

Kiku let out a small breath of relief. "Hi. What are you still doing here?"

The tall blonde gave Kiku a small smile. "I was looking for you actually. I never took world geography so I couldn't find the room for a little while.” 

“Are you here for the meeting? Because we’re not having it. It was kind of dumb to schedule it the last day before winter break anyways but-”

“No, I just wanted to talk to you. As friends.”

Kiku raised an eyebrow. He and Alfred were considered good friends. They enjoyed each others company and they had similar interests. But their friend circles were different and they never really actively sought each other out to hang out.

Alfred seemed to think the same thing Kiku was thinking and shook his head. “I don’t want to really let other people know about the whole thing between me and Arthur. I’d just like to know what your thoughts are on this whole… mess. Since you’re the one who said you wanted to fix it.”

Kiku groaned internally. He had said that. Word travelled fast.

But then he shook his head free of the negative thoughts again and grabbed his bag.

“Yeah. Okay, we can talk. Coffee?”

“Coffee.”

 

As soon as Alfred pushed open the door and the two of them walked into the warm building, Kiku sighs in relief. 

The entire walk from the school to the main street hadn’t been awkward really - it was comfortable and the snow felt really nice on Kikus face. He could still imagine the gentle frosted bits blossoming on his frozen skin, invoking a burning and freezing feeling all at once.

They went over to the counter and Kiku laughed at Alfred’s white girl choice and got his own green tea drink. Then when they called Alfred’s name, Kiku couldn’t control his giggles when there was a number on his cup and Alfred looked so disgusted that he might as well have been handed a cup of garbage.

But when they got past all that, they chose a window table, and sat down. Alfred leaned back in his chair and gazed out the window to the snowy street outside. Kiku sipped his green tea carefully. Then he set it down and cleared his throat.

“You know that I promised not to tell anyone at school about your secret.”

Alfred’s eyes shot up. “I really hope you haven’t said anything.” He said slowly. Kiku held up his hands. “I haven’t, I haven’t. But I can imagine you know where I’m going with this.”

Slowly, Alfred shook his head. 

Kiku hesitated, then spoke again.

“I’m sure you’ve watched a couple of anime-” Alfred flinches but sighs.”- that involves personified gods and goddesses. Personifications that look like humans, even though their being represents something else otherworldly and quite frankly, not human.

The idea of a personified being helps regular people understand and accept a more unrealistic vision of an object in a familiar and comforting way. Like women with blue and green hair with deep eyes and clothes like silk representing the ocean. Or forest spirits that have deer spots scattered across their skin and antlers on their heads. Do you kind of know where I’m getting at here?”

Alfred nodded very slowly. He said nothing, so Kiku took it as a sign to continue.

“So I did some research about people disappearing and getting these visions that showed memories of what could possibly be from an object's mind. Like how Feliks said he was called Poland in his vision. As in the country Poland. And how Toris and Ivan were in the vision and they were called Lithuania and Russia. I did some more research and found that Poland and Lithuania controlled Middle and Eastern Europe in the Middle ages until Russia split them apart and took Lithuania’s sovereignty as a nation. Sounds literally like what Feliks described to us…”

“I wasn’t at any of the meetings.” Alfred gently reminded Kiku. “I didn’t even know that this had happened to Feliks.”

“Oh. Well the point of that was to just prove that a theory that I think is happening.”

Alfred frowned. “So what is this theory?”

Kiku hesitated. The falling snow outside continued to dust the ground gently, padding the earth, undisturbed and peaceful.

“A theory...in where the reason why certain people pass out and wake up with memories of something weird but historical at the same time...sort of makes you think that the people who are passing out are remembering something from a past life and this is almost a way for them to wake up from a deep sleep or something.” Kiku looks away from Alfred’s incredulous stare. 

“I'm not sure I can really believe you.” Alfred said flatly. Kiku shrugs and finds his cup very interesting all of a sudden. “I'm not asking you to. I'm just saying what my belief is. A hypothesis to explain what's happening. I haven't passed out myself, but enough people around me have for me to want to put work and thought into this.” Kiku frowns. “It's fine if you don't believe me.”

Alfred stares. And he bites his lip. After a moment, he slowly says “You said Poland. As in the country.”

“Yes that is what I said.”

Alfred hesitates. “Well. Right before Arthur passed out...he was saying something. Or he was trying to say something….something that sounded like America.” 

Kiku raised an eyebrow. “Like the country?”

Alfred takes another sip of his coffee then puts the cup down again. “You tell me.”

Silence fell between the two boys, as each contemplated their own experiences that strangely...seemed to fit the theory. Kiku offhandedly looked at Alfred, who seemed to be in deep thought as he stared out the window. 

“Hey Alfred.” Alfred turned his eyes to meet Kiku’s. 

“Really, it's okay if you don't believe me. It's just a theory-”

“I'm believing it.” Alfred said shortly. Kiku was taken aback.

“Why?” He managed to get out. Alfred sighed and looked out the window again. 

“It's been 3 weeks and Arthur still hasn't woken up.”

Kiku kept silent. He felt insanely horrible for Alfred, who did not deal well with Arthur's coma at all since the moment he had passed out. He could relate to the fear of having a loved one pass out and wake up babbling nonsense, but at least Hercules woke up and stayed awake. He could only imagine the pain that Alfred must be going through.

Alfred looked at his phone and then looked at Kiku again. “Listen, I've gotta run. But you don't mind if I text you soon to discuss this a little more do you?” 

Kiku gives Alfred a small smile. “I don't mind at all. See you.” He watched Alfred pack up his things and wave as he left the store. 

And as he watched Alfred make his way down the snowy streets, despite the warm store he sat in, a shiver ran through his body and the cup of green tea in his hands was cold.

 

~

 

The last anybody ever hears from Yao is when he says goodnight to Leon and goes outside to take pictures for his photography project.

He’s declared missing after 48 hours, and Ivan leaves his home without a word, face set in a grim determination of a madman searching for the poor boy. His sisters catch him as he leaves, and they beg him to stay and to remain in the safety of their home. 

 

Ivan is declared missing after 24 hours. Kiku is nowhere to be found 12 hours later.

 

~

 

“Ludwig!” He jolted awake, not knowing where he was for a moment. 

He looked around, and relaxed after a moment. He was in his house, sitting on the couch in the living room. It was the first Friday of winter break. He was going to visit his older brother at college tomorrow morning. His parents were out of town. Feliciano was standing in the kitchen entrance holding a bowl of popcorn, staring at Ludwig with wide eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks softly, and Ludwig grabs his head. “I don’t feel so good.” He murmurs, and suddenly he walks in front of him and Feliciano is holding his hand.

“You should rest. I don’t want you to pass out.” He said it lightly, but the weight of his meaning was roaring into Ludwig's ear. He swallows heavily and digs himself deeper into the couch. “It’s fine. Just sit down...what movie do you want to watch?”

After a moment of hesitation, Feliciano sets the bowl of forgotten popcorn onto the coffee table and sits down next to his boyfriend, leaning into the comfort of his side. “I don’t really care. Whatever movie is on is fine.” Ludwig nuzzles his head against Feliciano’s, before picking up the remote and turning on the tv.

He enjoyed Friday nights. Friday nights were his and Feliciano’s nights, where the large mansion was usually empty and he and his boyfriend could enjoy their quiet love in peace. Sometimes they played video and board games in the massive unused media room. Sometimes they did their homework in the cavernous dining room (or the warm fancy kitchen which Feli preferred). Sometimes they just had fun in Ludwig’s big bedroom or talked for hours on end. But lately, they had become so tired from the stress of their disappearing friends that they couldn’t find it in themselves to have any good conversation at all. For them, a movie was almost always a good way to comfort each other.

The first thing that came onto the screen was a gruesome scene of a slime monster roaring into the camera. Immediately Feliciano took the remote and changed the channel. Ludwig understood. Feliciano didn’t like scary horror movies. Ludwig didn’t like cheesy chick-flicks. They usually found a happy medium in mafia action movies. But the next channel Feli clicked revealed a scene of a man sitting at a piano who was playing a haunting song.

Feliciano stopped and looked at Ludwig questioningly. Ludwig gazed at the screen and after a moment nodded. He didn’t see why not. The movie was apparently called The Pianist, according to the information. And the current song playing was very pretty. It was strange, because Ludwig had never seen this movie before and oddly, he was interested in the setting behind the piano player. The street that the man stepped out of was foreignly beautiful and peaceful, with people leisurely walking up and down the streets. It reminded him vaguely of his trip to Germany last summer with his family. The streets were full of smiling people leisurely walking to and from places.

“This is an interesting movie!” Feliciano comments quietly, a little unnerved by how intently Ludwig is staring at the screen. “He plays piano very well.” There is no response from Ludwig and Feliciano hesitates before turning his attention back to the screen and stuffing some more popcorn into his mouth.

It was an interesting movie, Ludwig thought absentmindedly. But he wasn’t really sure, actually. He wasn’t following the plot or the dialogue anymore. All he could focus on was the people walking in the background, smiling and reminding of a home he had never called home before. Then suddenly, the movie started to change. There were no more people walking on the street. The happy people were all taken away. The pianist lost his piano. 

Ludwig and Feliciano watched in horror as the Pianists’ family was forced to move to another apartment. Despite Feliciano's slight discomfort, shown when he stopped eating the popcorn, Ludwig could not find it in himself to even tear his eyes away to blink. 

The family turned off the lights. Ludwig watched helplessly as another family across their apartment was invaded. 

Happy people walking up and down, to and from. In the peaceful streets.

_ No. No happiness, only peacefulness. Where the streets are wet and grey, and the fog is heavy and impenetrable. Where everybody is the same and if they aren’t the same then they get taken away. _

_ Communism.  _ Some part of his brain helpfully supplied to him.  _ No… _ the voice clarified.  _ Not just communism.  _

**_World War II. Your fault._ **

_ The screams from the family across their apartment. The elderly grandfather, still in his wheelchair, thrown from the highest floors windows. His daughter's screams. The pianists watches on in fear and in terror, begging someone to tell him why Germany was doing this to them- _

 

_ You. The tall man with the piercing eyes and the immaculate blond hair and your permanent frown that sends shivers down the youngest child of the family. She starts to cry. You do nothing to comfort her. Why should you? _

 

_ scum _

 

_ help _

  
  
  
  


_ destroy _

 

Ludwig scrambles to grab the remote and shuts it down.

“Ludwig!” Feliciano starts, instantly standing up. Oh. Ludwig realizes finally where he is.  _ Wait, no. This isn’t where he  _ **_should_ ** _ be. _

“Luddy…” Feliciano says quietly, staring at his boyfriend's tense figure and slowly reaching for his hand. The tips of his fingers lightly brush against Ludwig's and the other man jumps, instantly moving away from the couch breathing heavily. Feliciano frowns. “Luddy, what’s wrong?!” Feliciano takes a small step towards Ludwig and he takes a step back. Feli’s eyes widen. “Answer me!” Feliciano tries again, taking another step forward and biting his lip when Ludwig takes a step back. 

“I…” Ludwig starts, then cuts himself off shaking his head. Feliciano’s eyes soften. “Hey, Ludwig. It’s okay. I’m here, it’s me. Your boyfriend! Feliciano, remember? That annoying transfer student from Italy who managed to make you fall for him…?”

This was their defense mechanism. They had talked about it before, with Kiku, and the three of them had made a plan in case any of them began to exhibit strange behavior. 

“Um, uh, we’re in almost all of the same classes together! Right! You know, we have math and science and english together...we study together, and play games, and we go out on dates! You like coffee dates and I like museum dates! But you also like playing with the small animals at the petting zoo, and i know you don’t tell a lot of others about that because you’re worried about your image and all, but i’ve always been glad that only the two of us go to the petting zoo together, because that means you care enough about me to let me see the real you.”

Ludwig didn’t respond and only slid against the wall he had backed himself into as Feliciano had slowly advanced while he was talking. 

“C’mon luddy. Don’t….don’t forget me now. I need you here, with me. So that we can always be together forever…” Feliciano could feel tears building behind his eyes. He was always too sensitive in situations that required manliness. 

“You need to stay awake, okay? Stay awake for me, so I won’t have to call the police...or your family...or tell Kiku and all of our other friends that we lost you too-” He breaks off into a sob, so close with his outstretched hand to Ludwig's forehead. He’s close, so close-

“You need to leave.” He startled and his hand hesitated for a moment, and then Ludwig stood up from his collapsed state and just like that he was gone. Feliciano stared at Ludwig as he brushed past him, going back to the couch and mechanically sitting himself down, almost like a robot. Feliciano’s eyes were wide. “W-what?” He stammered, taking a few steps towards his boyfriend before a hand was held out. 

“Please stop right there. And please leave.”

“But Ludwig-”

“Leave.”

“Luddy, are you feeling okay?” Feliciano’s voice was raising in volume.

“Leave.”

“Ludwig, don’t you dare do this to me-”

“Leave now, please.”

“ _ You’re not him! _ ” Feliciano was shrieking at this point, the buildup of Ludwig’s behavior becoming too much for him to handle. He sniffles, wiping away the tears on his sleeves. “Luddy,” He wails in the silence of the empty mansion. “Luddy, give me back my Luddy please…” Feliciano trails off into quiet sniffles and doesn’t notice the large body suddenly hovering over him until it’s too late. 

He can feel his tears seeping through Ludwig’s favorite sweater, and he can feel the strength thrumming through the arms that are wrapped around him and it feels so much like Ludwig, but there’s a nagging doubt in the back of his head saying that this was just a fluke, that this wasn’t the real Ludwig, his real boyfriend. 

“He will let you know when he returns.”

Feliciano widens his eyes before closing them gently again. It sounds like Ludwig, but now he knows it’s not. And the meaning behind the machines words resonate and bounce in the endless caverns of his mind, the millions of possible meanings zooming around all at once and it's disorienting (similar to the recent headaches he’s been getting recently similar to millions of people in a city speaking in his head all at once).

“But until then, it is best if you stay away.”

And Feliciano helplessly gazes into Ludwig’s far-off eyes as the unknown person guides him to the door and gently pushes him outside with his bag and coat into the snowy night. 

The door is locked and for a moment Feliciano is struck silent. The snow is falling slowly as if the world is asleep, but Feliciano is furious. He shoves his jacket on because of the cold and tightly grips onto his bag as he tries to bang on the door. There’s no response and even angrier than before, he storms around to the windows on the left wing that look into the living room. His footprints mark the snow and he shudders out of worry. Once he gets to the large extravagant windows, he gets on his tiptoes to peek through.

Feliciano takes in a deep breath. 

Ludwig is sitting on the couch again and the TV is turned on. The Pianist is playing, but Feliciano can’t see Ludwig's face or reactions. His shoulders are shaking slightly though, and frustrated, Feliciano rushes over to another set of grand windows that will allow him to see Ludwig's face at another angle. 

And when Feliciano finally makes it the grand window after trudging through the snow, his eyes nearly boggle out of his head. 

Because Ludwig is crying. Faintly, Feliciano can hear a haunting melody playing on the piano from the movie, and Ludwig's tears are falling, a hand over his mouth, as if he were locking away his sobs or his screams.

Feliciano can’t help himself and he looks away, immediately feeling guilty. His boyfriend is inside, crying. He should also be in there. He should be helping him. 

But the mechanical voice and distant eyes suddenly come back like a slap to the face, and with every breath he takes, the guilt intensifies in his gut. 

Once Feliciano gets back into his car and is on the road back to his home, he slams the dashboard in a flurry of emotions and continues to drive silently with tears streaming down his face in the pale, snowy night.

 

~

 

The doctor and his parents had advised him to stay with other people at all time, even if it was a room of strangers. If he had another incident for some reason, they wanted to be sure that somebody would be around to call for help. 

But the idea of staying in a room of people seemed sickening to Francis one dreary afternoon. He knew that the disappearances were happening to people who had passed out before and he knew the risks that he too could disappear. 

But the fact that he now wasn’t allowed to be alone pissed him off to no end. And despite wanting to listen to his parent’s orders, he couldn’t bear to be around people expecting him to fall or disappear at any moment. 

So on one dreary afternoon when school had finished, Francis found himself in the empty art room.

He had set up an empty canvas already, and brought over an array of different colors along with a cup of various brushes. Should he try a watercolor piece? That would be fun. He goes and gets a cup of water and finally settles down.

“Now…” Francis hums to himself, finally feeling at peace for the first time in a long time. “What should I create?”

_ Something real. _

He takes a thick brush, but hesitates before he presses it onto the canvas. There’s a small voice inside his head that he hasn’t been able to ignore lately. She’s not loud, per say, but she’s persistent, and she demands attention - especially when Francis is alone.

He looks towards the door, and after a moment, he turns back to the canvas. 

“Talk to me Joan.”

_ Finally. Hello, my dear. I’ve missed talking to you. I feel like you just let me ramble on and on forever. It’s kind of embarrassing for me, you know. _

Francis smiles a little. “Sorry, sorry. You know the deal. Can’t exactly talk to myself when there’s other people in the room. They’re already watching me like a predator observing its prey.”

_ But you’re not talking to yourself! You’re talking to me. _

His smile grows a little. “You’re right. Even I’m not this obsessed with a woman that I would just continue to hear her voice in my head. You, Joan, are something else entirely.”

_ I’ll take that as a compliment! Now, enough small talk. Let’s get to business. You should create something real. _

Francis tilts his head to the side. “But, what’s something real?”

_ Portraits are real. _

“Alright then Joan. Who should I make a portrait of?”

_ Me. _

He pauses. “Joan, you’re just a voice in my head. How am I supposed to-”

_ I think you know. _

“But-”

_ Start with the eyes, my dear. _

Francis stops short. And as if he was controlled by something else, he picks up a thin brush, wets it, and dips it into the loveliest shade of green, something between the shine of an emerald and the natural freshness of a pine tree leaf. And still controlled by something else, the brush hits the canvas, and from then on, Francis controls himself.

_ Green. I do think they’re one of my most defining features haha! You’re doing very well with them. Now, try that peach for my skin color. You remember the exact shade, don’t you? _

He does. Someway, somehow, he’s starting to remember everything about this voice in his head. He can’t quite place where he remembers her from though, and it bugs him to no end (although it doesn’t deter him from working studiously).

_ Marvellous! I like what you’ve done with my face. That’s very realistic, good. What about my hair? Can you make my hair look nice? That’s all I ever really ask for in the mornings and now, I might finally be able to make that wish come true! _

He’s not sure how he does it, but he mixes and stirs until he has the perfect shade for her hair - her soft, beautiful, finely woven blonde hair that shines in the sunlight and bounces when she moves. It defines her, the wavy curls that dance and twirl as she swings her sword.

_ Amazing, France. You truly are the best artist I know. My collarbone is done so nicely! But now that my face is done, what will you do to the rest of my body? What shall I be wearing? _

He’s trying to remember. Is this the girl who smiled at him in the white dress and the flowers in her hair? Or is this the girl who smiled at him, while holding a bloody sword in one hand and the head of a man in the other?

_ We’re the same, my dear.  _

Of course! His favorite girl in all of France and it’s glorious history. Joan. How could he ever forget Joan and her shining armour and her brilliant smile and her valiant honor?

_ I miss you France. Don’t you miss me? _

Miss her? What happened to her?

_ Don’t you remember? The fire? The burning? My death? _

He stops cold, and the brush finalizing the touches of her armour falls to the ground. He gets up suddenly and takes a step back, knocking his stool over onto the ground. 

The portrait moves and her mouth opens, and Joan’s voice all of a sudden sounds very much more real than before.

“It’s okay France!” She smiles, tossing her hair back and raising her arm to her face, as if shielding herself from the sunset coming through the window. “I forgive you! It was never really your fault anyways!”

He balks at the sight. She blushes a little. “Your open mouth and your wide eyes are almost inappropriate! Of course, nothing else is to be expected from you and your frisky personality haha-”

“H-how can you be real?!” He stammers out, shaking hands gripping the nearest edge of a table. She smiles softly and reaches for the edge of the canvas. He watches, shocked, as her head comes off the surface and her small pointer finger dips into the red and then the blue. She pulls her hand back into the canvas, and turns around. He watches as she drags her finger above herself, in the shape of a rainbow, and the colors blue, red, and purple start to drip down from the water. He shakes his head in disbelief. “This isn’t real.” He says, mostly to himself.

She giggles. “My dear, who’s to say what is or isn’t real in this world? Who even said this world is real anyways? I’m a little surprised  **he** took this long really. I didn’t think  **he** would enjoy this world so much and let the charade continue on for so long. I’m glad your time here is coming to an end though, because I missed you, you know!”

He shakes his head again. “ **He** ?”

She smiles, a brilliant smile that feels like coming home. “You’ll remember  **him** soon enough.  **He’s** a difficult one for you to forget easily.” She winks, and he’s weakened. 

“None of this is making any sense. I just drew you. On a canvas. And now you’re moving, talking...w-what…” He’s stuttering now, and her eyes slowly grow to be full of pity. 

“France, I can make this easier. It’s bound to happen eventually, because all dreams must come to an end. I can explain everything, if you’d like to end it all now and come with me.”

“Why do you keep calling me France?” He whispers. 

“How else would you know that my name is Joan?” She playfully whispers back. Then she holds out her hand. The dimensions of the canvas don’t even make sense to him anymore. It’s not like a screen, or a wall - it’s like a window, and her hand seems to be coming out of the canvas, an unspoken invitation inside.

“I’m serious.” She announces. She does sound serious. “I don’t care what  **he** had in store for you. But I miss you, and I know you’re tired of this lie, so you can end it all now if you just follow me.”

He blinks. “What lie?” He says hoarsely. He’s not even sure if he remembers how to speak.

Her outstretched hand gestures around the art room. “This lie! You know it’s not real, deep down inside.” Her green eyes deepen and grow darker all at once. “ _ I’m the real one. Deep down inside, you know I’m the only one you can trust. _ ” 

And there it is again. Her voice does something to him, makes him feel like he’s drowning and he knows in the lowest points in his guts that he doesn’t have control over himself anymore. 

This girl is something else entirely. He nods, without realizing it. And then she smiles, her eyes fade back into its lovely shade of green, and he’s filled with a sudden surge of bravery and self-bravado.

He reaches out and realizes that her hand actually is coming out of the canvas, and suddenly he notices that the canvas is bigger - it’s more like an open door than an open window now. The purple stripe that she had drawn earlier is now blooming around her figure, like ink dripping onto a parchment, like a dream that he’s about to step into. 

His hand grabs onto hers. She’s very much real.

And gently, she pulls him in. And he follows without control. 

Follows into the open door with the blooming colors of blue, red, and purple. Follows her further and deeper into the canvas, until all that can be seen of the two are small dots in the distance.

(Faintly in the distance, Joan’s singing a song and there’s a certain skip to her step. 

“Don’t worry France! The real world isn’t as scary when you’re the predator!”)

 

~

 

"I feel like something strange is constantly surrounding me. Like there's a fog that's enveloping me, swallowing me whole. I can feel little things, small moments, different textures. As if there were a million lives inside me all at once.

And it hurts. It hurts my head, it hurts to think - sometimes it even hurts to move because my bones feel stiff and I cough and my lungs feel like giving out.”

Alfred looks at Arthur sadly and tightens his hold on the unconscious boy's hand. 

“I’m a tiny bit glad that you’re asleep through all of this. At least I know you aren’t in any physical pain or danger.”

Alfred’s aimless talking is met with silence. He sighs. “We called your family. They know and they’re coming down soon to visit. Hopefully, you’re awake by then.”

More silence. Alfred felt very lonely. Then all of a sudden, the door opened and he turned to see who had walked in. 

“Hey.” Matthew waved and set his bag down. “How is he?”

Alfred turns back to Arthur. “Not awake.” He says dryly and Matthew sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Alfred...maybe you should take a break. You’ve been here since, what, all day? The only time anyone ever sees you is when they come visit Arthur.”

“I’m just waiting for him to wake up.” Alfred said simply, refusing to look at Matthew.

“There’s not much use for you to just stand around here and watch him unconscious. The nurses are scared of you.”

“ _ Good _ .” Alfred muttered possessively and Matthew sighed yet again, taking a seat in another nearby chair. The hospital room is quiet except for the hum of the machinery, and it’s dimly lit by a glowing lamp and the town lights outside the window. Matthew looked at his phone. It was 9:49 pm (fairly late, Matthew mourned), and there was a text message from Gilbert which he promptly blushed at before shutting his phone off. There was a beat of silence before Alfred looked at him. “Are you still talking to that asshole?”

Matthew flushed. “W-what?”

“Your face only gets that red when you guys talk.”

Matthew turns to the side with a pout. “No it doesn’t…” Alfred shook his head but had a small smile on his face.

“Did you forget that he’s an asshole?”

“Just because he’s a freshman in college and I’m a junior doesn’t make him an asshole! Besides, all we do is talk and you know it.” There was a permanent red tinge to Matthew’s face which Alfred finally snickered aloud at. “If he even thinks about coming here for Christmas-” Alfred starts with a grin.

“He’s not. Ludwig is going to visit him with Roderick and Elizabeta.” Matthews flush deepens if that's possible. At least Alfred looks entertained by his embarrassment. “It's just talking.” Matthew repeats himself, softer this time. Alfred's face is blank for a moment.

“If he ever says anything you don't like, I'll punch him.”

Matthew sighs again. “I know you would.”

It’s quiet between them for a moment before Matthew sighs, a more mournful sigh than any of the ones he made before. Alfred looks at him. “What.” It wasn’t even a question. 

“He’s been seeing things.” Alfred raises an eyebrow. “Who, Gilbert? I wouldn’t put it past the guy, he’s loony-”

“He thinks an old man is following him. An old man that looks like some historical king or something from his European history class. He asked other people if they could see it too, but they couldn’t. If he sees the man again soon, he told me he’s going to confront it.” Alfred says nothing, listening to Matthew’s quiet talking. “I don’t think he should, and I’ve already told him that. I don’t want him to get hurt. I don’t need him to get killed.” Matthew laughs bitterly. “I care about the asshole, surprisingly enough. But it’s like he doesn’t care enough about himself to listen to anything i have to say about the whole mess.”

Alfred is silent. After a while, Matthew sniffles. 

 

“Alfred?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m afraid of losing him.”

 

“I know.”

  
  
  
  


“Alfred.”

 

“Yeah Matty?”

 

“I’m a-a-afraid of losing you t-t-too.”

 

“Don’t worry. I’m still here.”

 

“B-b-but...it doesn’t feel like y-you are.”

**_Akferd loiks yp feom hus plece ar thr bwd amd swws nubdoy elsw im thr ropm wuth hom._ **

**_EEORR -_ **

He blinks. Matthew is there again. But then he doesn’t blink, and the lights go out anyways. 

They flicker back on and Matthew is visibly crying now. Alfred stands up. “Matthew, are you okay?” He reaches out.

_ The lights flicker  _ **_off_ ** _.  _

“Alfred, I can’t see you anymore.” Matthew sobs. Alfred reaches out blindly, searching to grab onto his younger brother. 

_ The lights flicker  _ **_on_ ** _. _

Matthew is suddenly next to Arthur's bedside while Alfred is on the other side of the room. “Matthew!-” Alfred starts, but Matthew cries harder. “I must be blind.” He wails. “I can’t see mom or dad, and I can’t see my friends at school, and I lied earlier because I can’t even see the nurses and I can’t see Arthur and I can’t see you!” 

_ The lights flicker  _ **_off_ ** _. _

Alfred struggles in the dark. 

“I can’t even visualize you or what you look like - I feel like I’m blind. I don’t know what the color of your hair is or what color Gilbert’s eyes are, and I don’t remember what mom’s smile looks like or what dad’s angry face looks like. I don’t remember what you guys look like. I can’t see any people a t a l l-” Matthew is almost screaming. Alfred’s heart hurts.

_ The lights flicker  _ **_on_ ** _. _

Alfred runs towards Matthew who is now by the door, but everything feels like it’s slow motion. 

“I miss seeing your laugh America, I miss seeing how excited you were whenever England came home. Why won’t you come home?1 America, why did you leave me alone?!”

_ THe lights flicker  _ **_off_ ** _. _

“I’m blind now!! I can’t see you! I can’t see him! I can’t see anything!”

  
  


“Alfred?!”

 

“THe flowers!! The toys!! Our old house, our old lives, back when the sun was bright and the birds would dream and the sky was clear! WHERE WERE YOU?”

  
  


“America!?”

  
  
  


“...”

  
  
  
  


“Maybe...it’s not that I can’t see people.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Maybe it’s that people can’t see me.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She turns the corner with her clipboard and the soft steps of her flats echo down the hallway. It’s way past visitor hours but these two boys on her visitors clipboard haven’t signed out yet, and although she’s half-sure that they’re related, it’s her duty to make sure all people visiting comatose patients leave when the visitor hours are over.

She makes it to the line of coma patient rooms. This is her last job before she’s done for the day. What should she have for dinner tonight? She’ll just go home alone to her cats again, so maybe she should call up a friend to go out to eat. She’s grateful for her friends. If she didn’t have her friends, she would surely become an insane old nurse who might’ve ended up in a psychiatric ward herself. She’s torn between two restaurants when she reaches the room. 

Should she go with Italian or Spanish? She can’t decide as she opens the door. She frowns at first. The lights are off, which they’re not supposed to be. She turns the switch on and is immensely confused. 

The room is empty. The bed is made. It’s like there hasn’t been a single person in the room all day. She frowns. Wait, how could people be in this room if there wasn’t a patient in here? 

She looks at her clipboard. All of the names were checked in and checked out. Did she misread something? She could’ve sworn there were two more names...as she’s looking through the list she finds no abnormality. It’s normal. Why did she even come to this room to the first place? She looks around in confusion. There’s a faint smell of flowers, but that might be sanitary febreeze or something. After a moment, she shrugs and heads out of the room, shutting the lights off on her way out.

 

That was strange. Why did she go to that room? She has other plans. There was absolutely no reason to go visit this room. There were way more pressing matters to address, like her current and very much real debate between Italian or Spanish food.

 

~

 

When he opened his eyes, something soft was falling.

He looked up blearily, and blinked slowly as he realized he couldn’t see. 

“Japan!”

Somebody was calling him.  _ But that wasn’t his name? _ Japan was the name of a country...not a name for a person. 

He groaned. Everything in his body ached, like he had just been forced into a box and was shaken around with no care for his health at all. He tried to sit up on his knees, but he collapsed. Everything hurt. 

He coughed and something came out from his mouth. He looked down and could see red against white.

White...equals snow. He looked up, and though everything was still blurry, he could recognize the sight.

_ Snow _ . Soft snow falling upon the earth. He lowered his eyes to look at his surroundings.

_ Green _ .  _ Green _ ... _ sticks _ ?  _ Green _ …  _ poles _ . They were sticking out of the snow, and they stood tall and proud. They looked elegant...and graceful. Finely shaped leaves adorned the stems, and even though he recognized nothing at the moment, he knew it was strange to have snow among bamboo.

_ Bamboo _ . That was what the green poles were called. He remembered that. No, he knew that. His head hurt.

“Japan! Where are you?!”

“Little Japan! Come out, we’re not going to hurt you-ow!”

“Baichi! Russia, we never meant to hurt him in the first place! You know what we have to do, ai ya, JAPAN!! Please, where are you?!”

He groaned. There were two people looking for him... _ what does that mean? Russia? Like the country… this is too much...too much thinking. _

“There!”

“Wha, Russia, where?”

He tried to get up again on his knees, but his hands shook with a newfound cold and awareness of the thick, powdery snow. 

_ Somebody _ ...no two people, he could feel their presence next to him now. 

“Japan, hey hey, it’s ok, calm down.”

He didn’t realize how fast he was breathing.  _ Hyperventilating _ , his brain helpfully supplied to him. 

He blinked one more time, before understanding the sight around him. Somehow, his vision finally cleared. 

“Japan, hey, can you talk? Are you ok?” A worried man kneeled in front of him. He had dark hair tied back into a ponytail, with brown eyes and a facial structure who reminded him of somebody…

He groaned, testing out his voice. He grunted and coughed, but only more blood came out and no sound. He wanted to say the man’s name but…

“Ai ya, Russia, get the medicine and bandages. See? It’s happening to him too. Just like how England told us about that new country he just found.”

“Aren’t England and France fighting over that?”

“They are, and they’re causing a hell of a mess over it. It’s annoying. I’m glad they’re just over in their own European world-”

He coughed harshly, feeling just the tiniest sound come out.  _ He was close.  _

“Give him the damn medicine Russia!”

“Right, right...sorry. Here you go little japan!”

He gagged. Something forceful held his throat open and something thick slid down. Through the tears in his eyes, he could see the snow still falling.    
  
“Dui bu qi, didi. This is a medicine that will help the headache...and the cough...and the lack of memory. This will help, I promise.”

He didn’t believe him. All he knew was that his throat burned and the tears in his eyes made him feel weak and vulnerable. He didn’t like feeling weak or vulnerable in front of these two very... _ older but somehow stronger men _ .

“Was….whas...happen….g….” Very softly, he slurred, slowly trying to get on his feet. 

“Wow, he seems perfectly okay! We go now to look for more lost babies, yeah?”

“Oh fine...we’ll go look for more. But I think Japan will be the only one coming back with me today-oh! Japan, how are you feeling? Can you walk?”

_ Who are these people, _ he wants to ask somebody,  _ and why do they think they know me?  _ **_Somebody please tell me what's happening._ **

“Japan.”

“T-that’s not my name!” He suddenly cries out. 

The other two men look at him in shock. “He’s talking.” The dark-haired man says in awe. “They don’t usually talk when they first appear, do they?” The light-haired man says in confusion. He looks up at them. “Who are you?” He demands, and he notices that he really is younger (both in voice and height) than the other two men. But he doesn't feel any older. He actually now feels a sense of deja vu...as if he’s already experienced this before.

The light-haired man smiles. “My name is Russia!” The dark-haired man kneels down next to him. “My name is China. I’ll help you through this, don’t worry little brother.”

He looks at the man with wide eyes. “We’re brothers?”

_ China  _ smiles brightly. “Yep! You and me! We’re gonna take over the world together!”

“W-what?!”

“Ah, maybe a little too soon for that. I have to train you first!”

“China, it’s getting late. I have to go back soon.” China sighs and gets back up. “Alright, we’ll walk you back. C’mon Japan!” He holds out his hand. Japan, still not understanding exactly what was going on, hesitantly takes it.

He’s swept away as the three of them walk away from his blood in the snow. 

“It’s pretty heavy today Russia!” China comments with exaggeration. Russia shrugs. “Nothing I can do about the weather. Sorry China.” Japan watches the two of them, and then his eyes drift to his surroundings. 

The snow. They’re talking about the snow, and how it’s thick and falling quickly. It’s not like rain or anything, but it’s quiet and deathly in its own way. It unnerves Japan to no end. He doesn’t know where they’re going. 

“Okay! We’re here!” He didn’t even know how long they were walking for, but he now notices that the forest of green bamboo is behind them and in front of them - a vast empty plain of snow and ice.

“Home sweet home!” Russia crows happily, and Japan watches as the two other men salute each other. 

“Meet up again at the same time tomorrow?”

“Of course. Hopefully we find more countries this time, yeah?”

Japan’s mind is overworking itself.

_ Countries. Tomorrow. _

China waves to the fading figure of Russia walking away into the empty abyss. “Where are we?” Japan asks quietly. China looks at him. “This is the border between China and Russia. Wherever the forest ends, the plains begin.”

 

Japan stares. 

  
  


The snow continues to fall steadily around them, quiet and deathly in the most unnerving way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/24/17 EDIT:
> 
> it's almost been exactly two years, amazing.
> 
> i'm not sure if i'll ever really finish this...i had a lot of fun writing some of the scenes in this though!
> 
> let me know if you liked it :) check out some of my other works too if you're interested in more~

**Author's Note:**

> i will try to finish this as soon as i can
> 
> i plan to make this into three parts and if it all works out, then it will definitely have a sequel called 'cant sleep' 
> 
> as you can tell, i really like vanic x k.flay
> 
> i hope you liked this :)


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